Fallacies springing from ignorance - A conversation in Louisville, Kentucky..
She is a young south Indian lady in her early thirties: soft spoken, shy, dressed in T shirt and jeans with a certain self consciousness about her that was evident in the manner she was tugging at her collars frequently to cover herself. I learnt from her that she had moved to Louisville about fifteen days ago as a contractor. Her family - Husband and two little children aged seven and five, continue to live in Cincinnati, and she intends to commute home every weekend (a two hour Grey hound bus drive). They been living in the US for the last seven years and both the kids were born in America : a dream come true, I must say, for many Indian parents..
II was during one of our breaks that I got talking to her . The other participants had a short meeting to attend and we were alone in the classroom. During the last two days, I have been observing that she has been preoccupied , neither able to concentrate on my lectures nor complete lab exercises with any amount of confidence. She seemed bright though, but it is just that her eye was not on the ball, so to speak.. She speaks my native tongue (Tamil) and I asked her, if there is something that was bothering her. For a moment , she was taken aback by my direct question and she politely said that everything was alright, and then we got to having a decent conversation. At some point she broke out : " you know Bala, I made the greatest mistake moving here to Louisville. The last two weeks have been nothing short of a nightmare for me. Every time I close my eyes, the dancing image of my kids float in front of me and I end up calling them at odd times. The children are equally miserable out there in Cincinnati without me. The moment they hear my voice, they burst out into tears and plead with me to return. My Mother in law tells me that they refuse to eat or play, and all that they do is to silently sit in a corner with a vacant, lost look in their eyes. Frankly, I am shocked at this turn of events. I thought I had sufficiently become "Americanized" to move out and survive, and I was definitely hoping that my children will take my absence in their stride. After all, they are "Americans".... I am in a real fix and I have talked to my manager exploring an option to work from home. I am not sure if they would extend that privilege to a contractor, If denied, I may have to quit and go back.. "
After I listened to her, there was a only a single question that I had to ask her .: "Sowmya (Name changed!!), I completely empathize with your maternal feelings but what I don't understand is on what premise did you think that your kids will not miss you because they are "American"!!!!!. How does being an American or an Indian matter in this case. Did you mean to say that Americans are less loving and affectionate than Indian moms and they will not be missed when they go to work, or did you assume that American kids grow up as insensitive , selfish brats that they don't long for their mother's loving presence at home..."
The biggest roadblock for new immigrants in America is to have preposterous ideas about Americanism. Lets get something straight. None of the first generation immigrants can ever hope to relinquish their nationality or its emotional baggage, after having spent a quarter or more of a life time in the country of their birth. It is a myth or a downright lie if someone claims to the contrary. And Frankly, this Land doesn't not want you to do so as well. it is the sheer diversity and proliferation of varied cultures that gives America its beauty, its fertility . It is like a garden full of outrageously different colors and fragrances; each one growing up in its own unique way preserving its identity without disturbing or spoiling the symmetry of the whole. And emotions such as love, jealousy, hate, joy are universal. There is no way one can erect barriers of nationality between them....
As I walking back home, I was reminded of a masterly psychological observation by Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad geetha '.. SWADHARME
NIDHANAM SHREYAH, PARDHARMO BHAYAWAHA..'
Roughly Translated " Being your own self is far beneficial than following the path of someone else. In fact, doing so makes you fearful and lonely.....''. Again, an ancient insight bang on target!!!!!
God bless...
II was during one of our breaks that I got talking to her . The other participants had a short meeting to attend and we were alone in the classroom. During the last two days, I have been observing that she has been preoccupied , neither able to concentrate on my lectures nor complete lab exercises with any amount of confidence. She seemed bright though, but it is just that her eye was not on the ball, so to speak.. She speaks my native tongue (Tamil) and I asked her, if there is something that was bothering her. For a moment , she was taken aback by my direct question and she politely said that everything was alright, and then we got to having a decent conversation. At some point she broke out : " you know Bala, I made the greatest mistake moving here to Louisville. The last two weeks have been nothing short of a nightmare for me. Every time I close my eyes, the dancing image of my kids float in front of me and I end up calling them at odd times. The children are equally miserable out there in Cincinnati without me. The moment they hear my voice, they burst out into tears and plead with me to return. My Mother in law tells me that they refuse to eat or play, and all that they do is to silently sit in a corner with a vacant, lost look in their eyes. Frankly, I am shocked at this turn of events. I thought I had sufficiently become "Americanized" to move out and survive, and I was definitely hoping that my children will take my absence in their stride. After all, they are "Americans".... I am in a real fix and I have talked to my manager exploring an option to work from home. I am not sure if they would extend that privilege to a contractor, If denied, I may have to quit and go back.. "
After I listened to her, there was a only a single question that I had to ask her .: "Sowmya (Name changed!!), I completely empathize with your maternal feelings but what I don't understand is on what premise did you think that your kids will not miss you because they are "American"!!!!!. How does being an American or an Indian matter in this case. Did you mean to say that Americans are less loving and affectionate than Indian moms and they will not be missed when they go to work, or did you assume that American kids grow up as insensitive , selfish brats that they don't long for their mother's loving presence at home..."
The biggest roadblock for new immigrants in America is to have preposterous ideas about Americanism. Lets get something straight. None of the first generation immigrants can ever hope to relinquish their nationality or its emotional baggage, after having spent a quarter or more of a life time in the country of their birth. It is a myth or a downright lie if someone claims to the contrary. And Frankly, this Land doesn't not want you to do so as well. it is the sheer diversity and proliferation of varied cultures that gives America its beauty, its fertility . It is like a garden full of outrageously different colors and fragrances; each one growing up in its own unique way preserving its identity without disturbing or spoiling the symmetry of the whole. And emotions such as love, jealousy, hate, joy are universal. There is no way one can erect barriers of nationality between them....
As I walking back home, I was reminded of a masterly psychological observation by Lord Krishna in the Bhagavad geetha '.. SWADHARME
NIDHANAM SHREYAH, PARDHARMO BHAYAWAHA..'
Roughly Translated " Being your own self is far beneficial than following the path of someone else. In fact, doing so makes you fearful and lonely.....''. Again, an ancient insight bang on target!!!!!
God bless...
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