Jottings - Slice of life - 193 ( An answer to a question)

Jottings - Slice of life - 193 ( An answer to a question)

A few days ago, I received an email from a young reader as response to my essay on symbols and the Helen Keller story. After describing his interest in what I write, and how he would read my essays more than once, he went on to conclude his short email with a question: He asked “ Bala, I have been meaning to ask you this question for months now; but didn’t think it was appropriate. But this time, I had to ask. Why do you sign off your posts with “Yours in mortality”. That seems strange. Because , people generally wish for oneself and others immortality, infinity, everlasting peace, God and such like; but you are different. Is there a reason you choose to use the word mortality, or is it just that you wish to be different. Pardon me, if this seems an impertinent question? but if you think, there is merit in asking this, I am curious to know, if you wish to share…”

It was a simple enough question, and I am not sure how many of my readers actually noticed it, or even if they did, cared about the reason. But this young boy had noticed, and even more - mulled over it long enough before posing it to me. The straight answer is “ Yes , there is a reason, an existential and experiential reason, why I sign off in this manner”. I distinctly remember the day four years ago, when I had reached the end of a particularly personal and poignant essay, and as I typed out my closing words, my fingers involuntarily stopped typing. I paused. I couldn’t bring myself to type out “ yours in immortality” ( which is how I used to end my essays until then). And in the next moment, I typed the word “ mortality” - a matter of removing two preceding characters from the word ( “im”). Yet, when I wrote that, and closed my laptop, a tremendous peace surged through me. I felt a strong sense of existentially accepting a truth, the only truth I have ever known with great certainty and conviction. To know something as factual is one thing; and to accept it in the marrow of ones bones is quite another. It makes all the difference between authentic life and a borrowed one. It is said in mystical literature, to write something down is to freeze an experience, acknowledge and accept it as one own. An experience that is yet unnamed, unspoken and unwritten is elusive and not yet truly ours. therefore, when I wrote those words “ yours in mortality”, it was a deep acknowledgement of what I had seen, felt and experienced. To me, this quantum shift in perception occurred earlier this decade under circumstances not very propitious. It took a while for what had happened then to sink in. But slowly it did, and the flavor, essence of that experience convulses through me even today. Every single moment, I look upon with tremendous gratitude the resilience of life, and its alter-ego - death.

I must consider it a very curious co-incidence that the young boy chose this time to ask this question. I am currently working on my weekly essay, and the topic I have been exploring is how we approach death, and the resonance of mystics and sensitive doctors on that subject. Either it is sheer coincidence, or it is just of those things that cannot be explained, the young man’s question came just at the right time. I thought, i will quickly pen a public answer, in case there are others who harbor a similar question

My friend, I hope you have a partial answer, though not in great detail. At least, you know now that I deeply mean each word of “ yours in mortality”. After all , thats the only certainty.

More later.

God bless..

Yours in mortality,

Bala