Jottings - Slice of life - 212 ( Suicides - Reflections on the death of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain)

Jottings - Slice of life - 212 ( Suicides - Reflections on the death of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain)
“The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. Great God! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.”
By William Wordsworth
This is one my favorite Wordsworthian poems. We were asked to memorize this for our exams at school, which we did; and thankfully I still remember most of it. Little did I realize how these lines would slowly grown upon me, and with each passing year, begin to make more and more sense, and within its beautifully sculpted words find hidden a profound philosophy of life. The tragedy of Man man is that he takes his world, his little life enclosed within that world very seriously, to the point, he begins to think of himself as an island stranded and cut off from the whole. When that happens, life seems very shallow and meaningless. Even if one has the material riches in the world, an uncomfortable void develops within. It slowly but steadily eats into our vitality, and one fine day the inner anchor gives way, leaving us rudderless. At that moment, the logical thing to do is to annihilate oneself, get rid of the agent responsible for this gnawing discomfort; hoping in its destruction, peace will ensue. Its not a guarantee, for no one knows, what happens after death, but at least the burden of living hopelessly in the present condition is no more required, and to that extent suicide is considered a relief to those who attempt it, a cessation of an inner struggle which finally consummates itself in the powerful act of destroying the host itself. It is the last hurrah of a man, who sticks his thumb up against life, and says “ I have won, despite what you have done to me?”. But unfortunately, life never acknowledged ones life beyond the biology of it, and neither will it mourn your death beyond reducing ones body to its primeval substance of dirt and dust. It will move on unheeding and relentless in its march. But then, many, who commit suicide like Kate spade and Anthony Bourdain know this, yet give themselves no other alternatives . The world has been, as Wordsworth writes in his opening line , too much with them. They cant live in it; they cannot live without it. In this limbo, thought is paralyzed and tired and life weary people who have strive hard to maintain a dual persona - finally give up unable to find cohesion and happiness they were seeking. The only outcome is to jump headlong into the pit.
The first thing that came to my mind, after the initial impulse of grief, when i read about the death of Kate spade and Anthony Bourdain was the above poem. In the last ten days, both these charismatic and energetic celebrities, who apparently, had everything going for them thought it best to end their lives by hanging themselves. Kate Spade had singlehandedly built one of the most well known accessory brands visible in upper circles of Newyork. Hers was a fairy tale story about getting an opportunity and money when young, and making the best use of it in quick time. Her brand was a sign of fashion. Holding a Kate spade bag or a purse indicated a cool, trendy and upwardly mobile social status. She was depressive, and given to swinging moods. Many believe it was her eccentricity which gave her the professional edge, but that gift or curse ( as we choose to see it) didn’t quite help her retain an inner balance. In her suicide note, she tells her daughter “ you had nothing to do with it, ask your dad”. Will the girl really what happened to her Mom that pushed her over the edge. Not really!! And who wouldn’t know Anthony Bourdain, the bad mouthing , celebrity chef and restaurateur whose regular appearances in CNN as the ambassador of exotic food around the world opened the eyes of audiences throughout the world to cosines and food - lovable and repulsive in equal measure. His program was rated Adult because of profanity in Bourdain language. He grew up the hard way, and sucks wasn’t going to civilize him. But audiences love him for his candor and flamboyance. He was equally at home with Royalty as he was with the common man on the street. As a young immigrant cook , Bourdain spent many years in the grimy by-lanes of Newyork working in sleazy restaurants, and used the system to evolve into a food critic ,writer and speaker with flair and nonchalant style. Both Kate and Anthony chose to kill themselves at the the prime of their lives. They had everything one could wish for. Fame, money, success, public face, charisma, unlimited opportunities and open doors to corridors of power and influence .Yet, personally, life became a burden to them, to be thrown way. Strange!!
The stranger thing, however, is that even when if we read about the suicides of seemingly successful people like Kate and Bourdain, it still doesn’t shake us out of reveries and question our own pursuits in life. We may momentarily sympathize with the dead, speak well of them and remember them with nostalgia perhaps for few days or months, but beyond that - nothing!!. We dont want question what these untimely, self inflicted killings could mean for us, and the kind of goals and inner anxiety that could have led to these tragedies. No known animal knowingly and willfully kills itself. It tries it best to cope, struggle, survive under direst of circumstances, and when nothing works, it honorably dies at the hands of nature and its overbearing laws in accordance with its place in the food chain. With man it is different. we dont live by bread alone. Our needs have evolved over millennial to become more psychological. Even when the body is in state of extreme comfort, one is visibly uncomfortable inside. The more economically well-off we become, the less happier we are. A curious inverse relationship between the two. Either our attitude towards riches and professional goals are incorrect, or it seems very likely - we are seriously treading down the wrong path. A reassessment of priorities, and meaning needs to be scrutinized. Consider this : Those who are rich and famous dont seem to be happy, those who are poor struggle to get to a better state of happiness, and those who are in between are definitely not happy in either direction. Such a condition then begs the question : what is the yardstick of happiness? is there one at all? And if there is one, are we truly aware of it?
The rate of suicides in the US and other parts of the words are steadily on the increase. The figures of WHO (World health organization) seems alarming. At least a million people die each year of suicide, which means on an average death by suicide happen every 40 seconds, and if statistics stay true, this ratio is likely to increase in the next five years to one every 20 seconds. Those who dont take the final step of suicide are regular visitors to the psychiatrist couch. Nearly 50 million people of them regularly take psychological help each year. Unable to deal with their own lives, they make a disease of it and ask a doctor what to do about it. No wonder, for some patients, at some point in this process , death would seems the most sane option and easier way out, than living at the mercy of doctors and interventions. At least, in their minds, committing suicide in a convoluted way, is taking responsibility for oneself without being pulled and pushed by others. But again, is that a healthy way of looking at life and happiness?
I think, unnatural deaths like these should set us thinking. Our grief over the loss of successful lives should be complemented with deep introspection. For a new generations of millennials, life is measured by financial success and professional fame. Their ideals are aligned to those who have made it big in life, and whose names are splashed in the media. There is a sense of restless to be successful. It is good to have the drive to do well, but behind the drive, there should be an inner centering, a depth to which our lives should be anchored. Call it spirituality, religion, god or whatever name one may like, but what it means is - to take a step back and cultivate a sense of detachment, and look at life holistically as part of larger universe and not just my little man-made world of praises, censures and attachments.
In the inimitable words of Carl Sagan, in his book “Shadows of forgotten ancestors”, writing on how ephemeral yet how miraculous human existence is, he says "I believe our future depends on how well we know this Cosmos in which we float like a mote of dust in the morning sky." This is the attitude of awe and veneration we must possess as a human being. Our personal lives are to be dissolved in the immensity of our presence in this universe. Mystics throughout the ages, in every religion, have claimed such an oceanic feeling. Suicide seems a blemish against such a blessing.
God bless…
yours in mortality,
Bala

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